As the saying goes, change is the only constant in life. But what if hindi lang change ang need mong gawin? What if you also need to start all over again?
Every start of the month I always post a saying, quotes, encouragement or about my faith in my Instagram account. This month of May I posted this, "Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith". Eto yung nagsisilbing reminder ko for the month.
Around first week of May, I received a very exciting news. May isa akong prayer item that I've been wishing, hoping and praying na magkaroon ako ng chance to work with. And when out of the blue they emailed me a proposal, sobrang saya ko. And nagsunod sunod na din ang mga good news sa email ko.
But everything changed right after Mother's Day..
Back story muna..earlier this year I celebrated my 10th year anniversary in the blogging industry. Though hindi pa ganon kalaki ang accomplishment ko as a blogger, kahit papaano nakilala na ako as Shopgirl Jen or Mommy Jen. Had a few campaigns, mini projects and memorable experiences.
If I'm not mistaken last year ko lang din napagtuunan ng pansin ang pagpost sa Instagram ko. Before kasi kung ano ano lang hehe. No direction at all. Pero when pandemic started of course hindi na nakakalabas, wala din events, pero mas nagkaroon ako ng chance to improve my postings. Kahit papaano nagkaroon ng direction, color theme. And kahit hindi ganon kalaki ang following ko across my social media platforms, masasabi ko naman na moving forward ako sa goal ko. I tried my best to meet all my deadlines on time, gave my best in all my postings, I tried to improve my photography as well. Nagka interest ako with food photography kaya I started learning what will work or bagay for my feed, bought a few props. At the end of the day, masaya ako sa ginagawa ko and sa mga new learnings ko.
But as I've mentioned, everything changed after Mother's Day. Sa totoo lang din kasi malakas makaingget sa industry na ito. I'm just being honest. Kaya I always pray din to God to guard my heart. Minsan kasi alam mo na mas deserving ka, mas bagay sa iyo yung projects or mas ma-execute mo ng maayos, pero kahit anong gawin mo hindi ka pa din napipili. I know a lot of influencers, bloggers e struggle din ito, aminin nila or hindi. Kaya what I do is I pray. Really. Ilang beses ko na din ata ito na-post sa IG, hehe. I pray, I claim, and I believe na magkakaroon din ako kung anong meron sila. I guess sa lahat naman ng aspect ng buhay natin hindi naiiwasan ang ingget, d ba? Pero instead of being negative about it, gawin natin syang inspiration, motivation to do better, to be better. Kaya I research, and read for some inspiration.
I can say na kahit konti lang ang following, determined ako in reaching my goal - to help the family, my husband in providing for our needs and have a bit extra din to enjoy kahit konting wants.
Sooo balik tayo sa story after Mother's Day..remember the brand na pinagpray kong maka work? Muntik ng hindi matuloy. Tapos sunod sunod yung feeling of doubt, ingget (kasi bakit sila meron, ikaw wala), and madami pa. Na sad ako dahil yung mga project na ni-look forward ko biglang na drop ako na hindi ko alam anong reason. Tapos may isang nagpadala na later on nakita ko na "kulang" yung sa akin. Parang basta lang, lol. Nalungkot ako kasi I felt kawawa that time. Haha! Looking back now natatawa na lang ako. Pero that time sobrang sad ako. I felt like quitting. Kasi hindi ko na gusto mga nangyayari. Parang in a span of two weeks bigla na lang nabago lahat. Nag doubt na ako sa lahat, nalungkot at nag isip na kung paano na ako makakapag provide for the family, etc.
Hindi lang doon nagtapos ang lungkot kasi biglang...charaaan! Na disable ang IG ko. haha! As in nada. Username not found. Can't be searched, too. Even my personal hashtags wala din. As in nawala lahat. 3K+ worth of photos, 7,3K+ followers, nawala. Kahit hindi ko pa nareach ang goal kong swipe up, proud ako sa IG ko kasi pinaghirapan ko sya, nag invest din ako. Tapos nawala lang na parang bula. Nung first few days medyo d pa ako ganoon ka affected. Pero when I opened a new IG, asking friends to follow me, doon ko narealize na some brands were already following @itsshopgirljen, so mag follow pa kaya sila? Paano ako mag start? Babalik pa kaya ang mga dating nagfollow sa akin?
That's the time I asked God kung anong nangyayari. I asked God if that is the sign for me to focus on other things other than being a content creator (naks) slash blogger. And what I learned, if you pray, God answers. Pinapakita ni Lord ang sagot nya. And that's where I realized, na after all the blessings and favor na nakuha ko throughout the years e nagfocus ako sa 2 weeks na hindi pabor sa akin. Pumasok agad ang ingget, doubt, lack of faith. Masyado akong nagrely sa kakayahan ko. I forgot na all these things are from God. I forgot na maybe He's testing my faith. I forgot that God is our great provider. Even if ganon ang nangyari sa IG ko, God is still in control. He can easily bring back what is stolen from me. He can mend what is broken.
Though may mga projects na biglang na-cancel kasi back to zero ulet ang IG ko, I'm trusting God that He will see me through. I'm trusting God na kahit sa natural ko sya tignan na imposible bumalik or magkaroon ng mga projects, I know everything will come from God pa din. Sabi nga ng isang favorite verse ko sa Proverbs 16:3, "Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed".
Regarding my IG, hindi ko alam anong nangyari. Bigla na lang. Though theory nila e na-report ako. I just want to move forward na lang kesa mag-isip pa kung anong nangyari. Since I can't use itsshopgirljen, I decided to drop the Shopgirl na. Maybe it's time for fresh start. New beginning.
Just want to thank you for reading till the end, hehe. Kakamiss din pala mag personal post. Dalasan natin? haha! Thank you also to everyone for all the love and support. I pray that God will bless you more.
So, please follow my new Instagram @jenmaslang. Yes? Yaaaay!
Stay safe!
No comments:
Post a Comment